Thoughts on Love – What Connects Us?

Love, Han?. Many asked me to write about it after reading my first blog. Here the word MANY is equal to TWO. But still, when I replace TWO with MANY, it somewhat makes me feel good. The same happens with love. It involves only two people. But most of us involve many not only to make us feel good but also expect others to say, it’s too good.

Before moving on, I just want you to empty your mind. As you know, one cannot fill the cup unless it’s empty. Once you are done with reading, empty it again and fill it with your own thoughts. As far as now, I would like you to taste my thoughts on love.

(Disclaimer: It may be bitter but healthy)

Perception of Love

Most of our perception about LOVE comes from movies (I’m talking about the love between two-person). Because if we could have seen it from our parents, the love they had, then we would have realized in the early stage that what they show in movies is artificial and is not reality. Instead of saying, “I wish to be like that couple from so and so movie”, we would say, “I wish to be like my mom and dad”. It’s so rare to see especially when we are growing up.

Reality

Even though we know movies are not reality, It highly influences our reality. We often will not come up with our own definitions. I remember when I first heard it from my friends after they watched “Friends”. I was new to it and it never occurred to me to know what was actually happening around me in the name of love, as I always have my own way of seeing things.

They said, “It is a PROCESS, K”.

I was like, “What? Process ah?”

“Yes, k. First, you need to say you like them, and they need to accept it then you will get into a relationship to know about each other. You will be called as girlfriend and him, boyfriend”

“Oh that’s how love works”

“No. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are in love”

“No?”

“No. Then you will go out and it’s called dating”

“What’s this? Subprocess?”

“Yeah. Kind of. It will go for months or years depending upon them”

“Then?”

“If everything goes right, then love, marriage, blah blah”

“If not right?”

“Break up”

“I know about that “up” word. What about that tag?”

“Oh, that one. You will add an ex to that person”

“That’s it?”

“End of story. And when you are ready again, PART 2”

For some reason, it sounded like job recruitment to me.

The process is a bit different, though.

“First round aptitude”

“Done”

“You are selected”

“Thank you”

“For the next round”

“what?”

“Second round GD and if selected then third round hr interview”

“Done”

“Selected”

I know I’m not. “Now what?”

“As an intern. If we are satisfied with your work, we’ll recruit you directly”

“If not?”

“Better luck next time”

“Part 2”

Formula

Jokes apart. I get it, guys. It’s tough. It’s an important decision in our life. But it feels like we are making it even tougher by applying the same formula for different problems. Those processes MAY be necessary and MAY NOT be. It differs from one person to another. We don’t need to follow what everyone else is following. We can have our own formulas. And also as a matter of fact, when we do that, it will make it somewhat easier to choose as you will not allow everyone into it.

Now my question is, do we need to get into a relationship to know about each other?. Or do we need to get into a relationship after knowing each other? (comment section is yours).

What Connects Us With People?

Friendship is different from a relationship. I agree. But we can learn how we connect with people when being with them. So, when you think back about how you met your best friends, you will find, what draws you or them towards you is their actions and reaction not how they look or how you look.

Look, their action and reaction towards a particular situation trigger us to take the first step. Or we can also say, “The way they are”. I think it’s the important element that attracts and helps us to connect with people. As I said in the previous blog, people won’t change. Situation change people.

The way they look at the situation changes the way they look.

And there will also be one main reason that will dominate every other. No matter what happens, that one reason will always connect us with them. So knowing about each other doesn’t mean we need to know a-z about the person. It means to know how they are around you and with the people around you in different situations. That’s what we mean by the term “character” and that’s what connects us.

(So)

This makes it so obvious that it takes a long period of time. In short run, the situation will usually be static. Right?. Unless like friends, we cannot be with them all the time. But it can happen over a period as the situation will change.

In short, when the situation blends with the character and period of time, the connection becomes stronger.

Peer Pressure

When I looked around, the other thing I noticed was this phrase “Being single is the best and committed are worst” or the other way around “Being committed is the best and singles are worst”. Come on, guys. Who are you trying to fool around?. No one likes to be both.

When we have something we’ll go around thinking about what we don’t have

When we don’t have something we’ll forget the things we do have.

That’s human nature. But I felt like these phrases are making people enter into a relationship to prove to others that they are worthy enough. Or to match up with the best friend who is already in a relationship. Or pushing them to get into one to have company. Or to not feel alone with group of friends who were getting along.

Even though it’s a relationship, it involves feelings. So next time, when you get the urge of Entering into a relationship, make sure whether you really wanted or others wanted.

My Thoughts on Love

So what’s your definition of love?. I don’t know. I won’t know until I experience it. But what I do know is, when we are ready, it will happen. So instead of focusing on “happening”, I think we must focus on getting “ready” not for love but to be a better person. Because when we are filled with insecurities and dependency, it will block the love which promises us to give security and independence.

And being alone doesn’t mean, we need to get along with someone. Be patient. We all will find one. Don’t let others do that for you. It will happen when it has to happen.

(End)

If you started reading the blog with the intention that it will answer the questions like, “How to find the one” “How to be with the one” “How to be the one?”. Sorry to disappoint you. I’m not the one to answer that. You need to do it by yourself.

Thanks for reading. This is specially dedicated to those who’ve been asking me about this for a long time before reading the previous blog (Those= <10. No kidding).

I’m done with my thoughts on love. Now empty the cup and refill with your own thoughts.